Volume 1

Poo Log #1: Once Upon a Time…

I was working as a volunteer in Toronto. My duties entailed driving children around. After I dropped all of the children off I had a distinct need to drop some kids off at the pool if you catch my drift.

There was not a toilet that I could access immediately, so I had to improvise. In a panic I located a spot behind a dumpster… and I dumped there.

After the immense pain that incurred from the dump (so painful) I required something to wipe my ass.

Life seems to slow to a startling halt when you do not have the required resources to tailor your butt hole in a suitable fashion. So in this case I had to rely on my wits and cunning attributes and remove the sock of my left foot which I then applied to the ring of fire within my crack.

When I came home, I tried to evade my partner, so that she would not inquire about my now singe foot that was bare. Fortunately she did not question the reason for my one bare foot and my dignity remained in tact.

Poo Log #2: Summertime Heat Stupid

Matt | 2014

I was starting my shift bar-tending a popular music venue and had to fart. When I did, I shit myself. I shook my leg and the turd fell out of my shorts. The other bartender saw and was like "gross bro!" I picked up the poo in a napkin, cleaned myself up and carried on with the rest of the shift.

T-shits

Poo Log #3: Katchin the KNarr!

Nick | 2015

My buddy and I were working at a skate park at the time. I was on the computer and he just finished a skate session and he says: "Dude my ass is so sweaty." He then grabbed some tissue, reaches back and wipes his ass with it and it came out covered in poo. I was like, "bro, do you not wipe your ass?!?!" He was like, "dude I wipe my ass really good." He clearly did not.

Poo Log #4: The Poo-Copter

My bro and I were playing Nintendo 64. He gets up to take a deuce. 4 minutes later, he’s like, “yo check this out.” I walk over to the bathroom, and there’s a solid 12 incher resting horizontally on top of the toilet hole. Apparently the last time he had relieved himself was 3 days prior to that, which explains the magnitude and density of the specimen in the can. He then flushed the toilet and the log, being in the position that it was in, started spinning at a rate correlated to the flush power, I’d say a solid 40 rpm. The log was still in perfect condition after the completion of the flush. I was amazed. He then flushed once more. The log began another incredible spin but half way through...SNAP! It broke into two and the halves vanished. It was a wonderful and spectacular.

Poo Log #5: Close Encounter of the Turd Kind

In the woods of Alberta, a public park. While i was walking on a path I felt the immediate urge to diarrhea. Obviously no bathrooms were around, so I headed out of view of the trail and I did not realize that there was a new trail right behind me (5 min away). While I egregiously sprayed the shrubbery with the meatball sub I had for lunch an older couple came upon me! They screamed in disgust and I wiped my bunghole with a snowball (acted like like a wet wipe) and I ran shamefully, quickly with the expediency of Hermes… The path was set for the rest of the day, as it was for the rest of human history..

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