Volume 2

Poo Log #1: Frank's Famous Eggs

It was the summer of 2019. I just moved into a nice spot with my boys, one of them being Frank. Every night, Frank would fry up his famous eggs in a frying pan right before he went to bed. First, he put some kale in the pan and fried in up. Then he put some eggs on top of the kale. Then he burnt the kale and the eggs real good. These were Franks famous eggs that gave Frank his famous poops. One morning after a meal of his famous eggs, Frank shoots me text. The text informed me that he had just dropped a poo comprising three logs, and that said logs were adequate, presumably both in magnitude and flammability, to sustain a campfire. 

That's three logs. Not two logs. Not four logs. But three solid logs. Poo logs. 

A note of disclosure that Franks Famous eggs, although burnt, are hella tasty.

Poo Log #2: Vindaloo Shits

Material facts:

• Argentina, circa 2010.

• At Indian restaurant. Get free T-shirt if you eat the whole spicy vindaloo.

• Do it. Painful.

• Go on bus other part of country shortly after eating vindaloo.

• Bathroom broken.

• Bus stops at gas station. No bathroom.

• Have to shit so bad. Sweating.

• Tell bus driver to stop. He stops in middle of desert. 

• Shit on a cactus.

• Bus tries to leave without me.

• Have to decide whether to stop shitting and chase after bus or eliminate bowels. I favoured the former.

• Never ate vindaloo again.

3 stories from one TPJ submitter 

Poo Log #3: The Trolley Trots 

San Diego Zoo | California | 2001

My family and I were at the San Diego zoo, family trip to see the cousins in California (coming from Canada). We were on the trolley at the animal park checking out African wildlife. mid way through the trolley ride my stomach started to bother me.  So the gurgelling went on for about an hour and some intense butt hole clenching, there was butt hole quivering in anticapation of release. One could argue the similarity to the contractions of a woman about to give birth. After a lengthy, very uncomfortable trolly ride, the trolley comes to a stop and I ran as quickly  as I can in search of a toilet. For god knows what reason, I was wearing insulated track pants and it was already a hot sweaty day. As I ran in the sweaty insulated track pants, hot liquid diarrhea started spraying out of my ass and was being absorbed by the insulation. So when I found the bathroom it was already too late. So I threw away the underwear, tried to wipe out the shit from the track pants and then I told my dad that I diarrhea’d myself. To get back to where we were staying from the zoo it was a 2 hour drive and I was sitting in a towel with the poop dried on my leg. My brother and sister were gagging the whole way home . Best vacation ever.

Poo Log #5: Argument with Dad

Winnipeg MB | 1999

Another quick one. When I was 13, I had an argument with my dad an it carried onto the driveway. I was with a friend of mine and I turned around before leaving and starred my dad down hard. I was so mad and the stare was so focused and intense that the biggest log I have ever made came out my butt hole and into my underwear. It was so immense my underwear tighten up. There were lots of sharts in between these story