The Poo Logs: Volume 10

Poo Log #1: Pooped sideways

Nor | New York | June 1, 2023

It all started in the stalls.... The lock was broken... I had 9 cups of oats in combination with this really ghastly laxative. I dashed into a washroom, legs quacking, feet shivering. Little did I know, the lock wasn't working on in the washroom I went into. I had no time to search for another stall with an operational lock – I really had to do my business. Right as my bowels exploded my dad walked in and said "What the Hell?"

Poo Log #2: Pooped incorrectly

V | Massachusetts, USA | June 1, 2023

Ok look. I really don't want to tell this to anyone but I need a place to write it out and I can't believe there's a website for this.

I was at a major retail outlet like Costco (but for legal purposes, it definitely wasn't Costco), and to put this into perspective, I had a really unhealthy amount of candy the previous day. I was crying and ate an enormous amount of gummy bears even though I am diagnosed with "explosive diarrhea cased by consumption of gummy bear syndrome". But you know what? Honestly, I was having a mental breakdown and I could not care to consider my future poo state before I actually went ahead and ate them. Big mistake. HUGE MISTAKE EVEN.

So okay, I see my coworker in one of the aisles. This is a person that like I've always wanted to be close with but I never really had the chance to make my move, y'know? So basically, we were in the aisle with the toilet paper (haha) and I waved to her and she smiled at me. We had a nice conversation about how short the cherry season is in Vietnam. Then I bent down to check the price of something, and oh my god. OH MY GOD. I LITERALLY POOPED MY PANTS. I wore a white thong and white pants that day. So you know ... it was pretty obvious what happened. She tried to ignore me after that, but oh my god, the smell was so bad. She was literally looking at me through her peripheral vision. I wanted to play it off so bad you DO NOT UNDERSTAND. THAT WOMAN AND I WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THAT GOD DAMN AISLE.

Needless to say I quit that job and blocked her on everything. I had to walk out of that store and hide my poo stained bum bum as I left. Got a lot of weird stares that day. I also almost destroyed the seats of my brand new car as I sat down. I still attend therapy daily in an effort to cope with this traumatic experience. 

Poo Log #3: Taking big poo in the school bathroom

Remi Tomhas Grossman | Canada | February 12, 2023

I took a reallyyyy big shit in the school bathroom and it went everywhere. It clogged the toilet and overflowed. Now the bathroom smells of poo and I am suspended! Email me at [REDACTED] if you want to hear more poo stories!

Poo Log #4: The biggest poo ever made by a man

Captain Kirk | USA |September, 2025

I woke up with an intense need to relieve my bowels, as if a drooling beast had lodged itself into my rectum. I lurched out of bed into the bathroom and after all that rush it was stuck! I pushed and growled like a woman in labor with my knees pulled to my chest. My anus hurt horribly, like something out of Alien! Just as I thought I might have a stroke, my body relented and released this beast of fecal proportions into the toilet with a satisfying splash. My wife slept through the whole thing.

Poo Log #5: The Chronicles of Miss Poopington: A Tale of Love, Digestion, and Disrespect

Miss Poopington | Ontario, Canada |September 17, 1994

Once upon a time, in a quaint little village, there lived a lonely lady named Miss Poopington. Once a respected teacher, Miss Poopington had spent years educating the bright young minds of her town. But as the years wore on, the students grew older, the classroom emptier, and her heart colder. Still, Miss Poopington found solace in her one true passion: her poop.

For reasons she couldn't quite understand, she loved the act of letting go. It wasn't just the relief she found in the process, but the feeling of the whole thing—watching something come from her, a tangible mark on the world. She even found a strange comfort in the idea that her creations could one day be consumed. She dreamed of a day when people would be thrilled to eat her poo, savoring every last bite as a tribute to her, a woman of wisdom and, let’s say, distinctive taste.

But her love for poo wasn’t merely about the sensation. Miss Poopington truly believed that her poop had power. It held the secrets of the universe, the wisdom of a teacher’s years, and a certain je ne sais quoi that only a true connoisseur could appreciate.

As she strolled the village, she would offer her creations to anyone who seemed remotely interested. "Taste my poop," she would say, “It will unlock your greatest potential.” And while some of the villagers would politely indulge, a few would recoil in horror, turning away at the sight of her prized excrement.

Miss Poopington’s heart shattered with each rejection. How could they not understand? How could they not appreciate the treasure she was offering?

One day, at the village market, she met a new face—a young man named Tom. He was full of energy, his laughter infectious, and, to Miss Poopington’s delight, he seemed intrigued by her eccentricities. “What’s this you’ve got here?” he asked, eyeing the jar of what Miss Poopington referred to as “The Golden Turd.”

She beamed, her eyes glinting. “It’s a gift from me to you. A taste of something truly transformative. Go on, have a bite.”

Tom, ever the curious soul, grinned and took a tiny nibble. Miss Poopington held her breath, waiting for the inevitable praise. The sweet, satisfying words. The gratitude.

But Tom’s face contorted in confusion. “Uh, I—well, that’s definitely… different.”

A cold chill ran down Miss Poopington’s spine. “Different?!” she snapped, her voice trembling with a mixture of disbelief and offense. “It’s amazing! It’s everything you’ve been missing!”

But Tom only backed away, shaking his head. “No offense, but... I think I’ll pass on this one.”

And there it was. The unthinkable. The rejection she could no longer bear. Miss Poopington’s heart sank into her stomach, the very same stomach that had, for so long, served as the birthplace of such masterpieces. How could someone not appreciate her work?

With a furious huff, she stormed off, muttering to herself, “How dare he? I’ll show him. The world will know! They’ll all eat my shit... whether they want to or not!”

And so, she became infamous, a legend in the village. Some came to laugh at her, some out of curiosity, and a few with open minds. But Miss Poopington’s heart still longed for that one true person who would appreciate her... ahem... culinary gifts. She would stop at nothing to make sure they tasted what they so stubbornly denied.

After all, what’s fame without a little shit?